No dogs allowed stupid

Just what part of "no dogs allowed" do people have a problem understanding? We've got a nice sign on the door which should make it pretty fucking obvious and since when did normal people take dogs into shops anyway? It's just not done. The number of people who bring their dogs in and when told that they're not allowed, respond with something along the lines of "I'm only gonna be a minute." is unreal. Whether you're going to be in here for a minute or an hour is irrelavent, dogs still aren't allowed in.

It's especially annoying when I don't notice the dog until the customer is at the counter. They tend to get a bit pissy then. One fella said he'd take the dog out once I'd served him. That's kinda missing the point though isn't it? Surely he was going to do that once I'd served him anyway.

Just yesterday, an older lady got rather stroppy with me for asking her to leave the dog outside. "I can't leave him outside, he'll run away!" She didn't have a lead for this dog, she was carrying it. Correct me if I'm incorrect here but isn't the point of walking your dog that it actually walks? If you're gonna carry the bloody thnig around then why bother with a dog? Get a fucking teddy bear or something. Idiot.

The customer is always desperate for cash.

In a tradition nealy as old as the Queen giving out Maunday money to pensioners, we have to give out a heck of a lot of dough on Maunday Thursdays. Pensions and other benefits are almost always paid out on Mondays or Thursdays. As the natural instinct of your average coffin-dodger is to get their pension as soon as possible we're usually pretty busy most Thursday and Monday mornings anyway. However, as we're closed on Monday all benefits that would normally be due then have actually been paid in today. Yay! A double whammy of piss-drenched, senile money grabbing oldies and benefit cheats!* Just what we like. What is it with these people? Why are they so desperate to get their hands on this cash? It's not like they're living hand to mouth and need all of it as soon as they can get it. Some of them (this is not an exaggeration) have difficulty closing their wallets because they've got so much cash in them. Yet still, as soon as the cash is in their account, they gotta have it. Perhaps they're gonna spend it in all of the shops that are closed over the weekend. Hmmm maybe not.

Old people, I don't think I'll ever understand them until I am one.


*Actually, only one benefit cheat that I know about. You know who you are. Yes, you. The one that drives the 200 yards or so from your house and parks on the double yellow lines outside every saturday to cash you cheque so you can go and spunk it away on booze, fags and, judging by the size of you, ALL the pies. And it's only 30 odd quid. I mean, for fucks sake, if it's not popped through letterbox by 11:00 then there's no need for you to come down and hassle me to see if it's been delayed. Jesus, go without until Monday you money grasping bitch. You're not that hard up you know. And your husband too. Don't get me started on that oxygen thief. I know he's apparently got some rare problem with his back that stops him from doing any work at all but how come he works as a handy man for one of the local business? I bet he's not told anyone about that has he? Is it really fair that he earns more than a lot of honest, hard working people for sitting around on his fat arse, shoving pies and fags in his fat face while lying about his "disability"? Is it? Is it??? No, it isn't. I hope you feel ashamed of yourselves. I bet you don't though. Fuckers. Send 'em to the work house until they buck their ideas up.

Regulars - Annoying old priest

The regular annoying forgetful priest is making his presence felt. He was in here with his usual request for a telephone directory. However, it's getting more urgent. Instead of just asking where he can get a phone book from ("try calling BT" is the usual reply). He said it was important that he got a phone book because "I'm a member of the clergy!!!" Try asking God then.

My Scottish colleague has started to have a little game with him recently. As the priest invariably asks where in Scotland he's from and what clan he's a member of, my colleague has started changing his answer every time. So far he's been from Glasgow, Edinburgh, The Outer Hebrides and a few others. He's also been from the Stewart clan ,the McTavishes, The MacDougals and the McDonalds (He's loving it).

It still doesn't make his visits here much less painful but it's a help.

The customer is always tight

There's a fairly common I find myself having with customers that can be paraphrased thusly:

Customer "I need this package to arrive as soon as possible in America or THE VERY WORLD WILL END!!!"

Me "We can guarantee it there in two days for £50"

C "That's too expensive. Have you anything cheaper?"

Me "We can send it in about 4 working days for £7.50"

C "That's still too pricey. What other services are there?"

Me "Normal airmail is £4.20"

C "Still too much."

Me "Surface mail is £2.50 but can take up to 2 months"

C "£2.50!?!?! Is there anything for less?"

Me "You can chuck it in the sea and hope it gets there for free."

C "Perfect."

Me "What about the world ending?"

C "Fuck it. I can't afford £2.50 to get this package halfway across the world."