Are you deaf, stupid or just not listening?

Some customers don't seem to understand this whole concept of listening to what I'm saying and responding appropriately.

One of the biggest areas that I encounter this is when someone asks for registered delivery.

It's been probably more than ten years since we did a service called registered mail but old habits die hard. Sadly some of our customers refuse to die, hard or otherwise.

Registered mail was replaced with special delivery but most people can't grasp this. A bloke I've just served handed me a parcel and asked for registered delivery. Out comes the usual spiel reserved for this situation:

"Do you mean recorded or special delivery?"

"I want registered post."

"We haven't done a service called registered post for years now. We can do recorded delivery or special delivery."

"I want registered post."



"There isn't a registered post any more. It's either special delivery or recorded delivery."

I described the difference in the services to him (I won't do it here cos it's dull) and told him the prices. He had to go and check with someone in the car. Two minutes later he returns:

"We want registered post please."

In the end, I just did it special delivery for two reasons. One, it's the most secure service so his parcel is very unlikely to go missing so he won't be in to bitch at me and secondly, it's the most expensive service so I earn the most from selling it. See if you can guess which of those reasons I find the most important.

On a related note, A lot of people are too tight to send important/valuable/urgent stuff using special delivery. It really narks me off as it's a missed opportunity for me to make more dough and it increases the likelihood of some twat moaning that his £300 necklace went missing in the post and he wants compensation for it.

That's why we always ask if they're sending valuable stuff and if so point out that standard post is only covered up to £39 if it gets lost/damaged. We'll invariably ask if they can send it recorded delivery but we then have to point out that recorded is only covered up to £39 too. Usually they'll say something along the lines of "Oh, that'll do" and send it off like that.

Similar applies to documents and passports. You wouldn't want them going missing in the post so we always recommend special delivery. Especially for passports as it's fucking obvious when there's a passport in an envelope. If you send an item special delivery then it's tracked everywhere it goes so if a dodgy postie pinches it, it's traceable to that postie. Normal mail and even recorded mail isn't trackable so any postie can nick it and there's no proof. And let's face it, all posties are a bunch of thieving bastards so you have to take precautions.

Frankly, if I weren't so honest, I'd have made a fortune in nicking valuable stuff and selling stolen passports and almost certainly getting away with it.

Stuff costs more now. Get used to it.

I love people who have no concept of inflation.

I've just served a guy who fits that profile and it wound me up.

Before he even spoke he'd riled my slightly because he habitually wears a stupid cravat.

Yeah, who does he think he is? Freddy from Scooby-Doo? But older and without a mystery machine.

As it's a bloody hot day surely he's only wearing it as a style thing rather to keep him warm.

STYLE FAIL!

Anyway, before this descends into a post ranting about fashion sense (but a cravat though, seriously. Plus, I saw an old guy with officially the worlds highest trouserline today. Any higher and he'd have had to undo his flies in order to speak. And that was topped off with a spectacular comb-over.) back to my initial point.

I was initially a bit annoyed just by the cravat when he asked me for a European stamp. I got one for him and asked for 56 pence. He'd obviously missed the price rise back in April and had to get some more cash from his pocket. This wouldn't have been too annoying but then he followed this up by saying:

"Is that how much it costs?"

This particular conversational gambit really gets on my tits. No, that's not the price, I thought I'd try and overcharge you but seeing as you've seen through my cunning ruse I'll tell you what the actual charge is you twunting bastard.

He then proceeded to tell me how such a stamp used to cost tuppence ha'penny and that here never used to be first and second class stamps and everything would be delivered next day yada yada yada.

Oh for fucks sake. Yes, stuff may cost more. This is called inflation. You may have noticed that wages and stuff tends to go up by a similar amount.

If stuff's that expensive now, how can you afford to waste so much money on such a ridiculous cravat?

Tosser.

Car Tax Idiot, A new low

There are some people who are just irredeemably stupid. No matter how much you try to help them, they don't listen or just plain can't be arsed to do what they've been told.

A fella came in my branch on Saturday, trying to re-tax his car. The first snag was that his reminder form was six months out of date. Our computer will only recognise current forms. As much as I hate the "computer says no" defense used by shop staff/call centre monkeys there are some cases when we have no choice and can't override the computer. Sad but true. He asked me if his old tax disc would be any use. I said no.

I then asked him for his log book as we are able to use the information from that to issue a tax disc if there's been a gap in licensing.

He told me that he didn't have a log book, he'd lost it but would his old tax disc be any use?

I said still no.

If that's the case, I told him, that he's need to send a form off to the DVLA and get tax directly from them. He'd also need to send off a form and £25 to get a new log book. I gave him the forms and told him that the address he needs to send them off to is on the back of them. He asked if his old tax disc would be any use.

NO!!!!!

I thought no more of it as it's pretty simple really and for the hard of thinking there is a helpline number on the back.

Two days later his wife comes back with the forms and asks us to process them for her.

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

It's Health and Safety, GONE MAD!!!!

It's no wonder that Royal Mail spunks away money at a stupid rate. Certain things are just great excuses for Royal Mail to waste shit loads of cash for no good reason but while hiding behind Health and safety legislation.

One of our vans had a puncture this morning. Several of our posties volunteered to change it but sadly someone had already told management about it.

This meant that anyone showing initiative and changing the tire themselves would get into trouble as they haven't been trained in changing wheels.

Imagine the trouble that could happen if someone changed a wheel without having had any Royal Mail approved training! Why, the wheel could fall off afterwards or the van could fall over and land on someone who would then explode!

Sadly the van driving Postie had to wait for the RAC to turn up. This meant that mail was late going out (yup, I'm still dealing with the complaints) and I hate to think how much the RAC charge for such a service.

Everyone who drives a van has to go through some bullshit training session anyway so why they can't have a quick training session then I don't know (actually I do, it's cos management are fuckwits and have no common sense or forethought).

The excuse that this is a dangerous or difficult procedure is bollocks too. I've changed a few wheels in my time. The first time I ever did it was while I was in scouts aged about twelve.

I've since found out that not being trusted to change a wheel is actually pretty tame.

Posties aren't even allowed to repair punctures on their own bikes. The bikes have to be taken back to our local metropolis and repaired there.

Idiots.