Online Ordering System

Just for a change this isn't about either Royal Mail, Post Office ltd or even my customers.

Today I will be mostly ranting about the new online ordering system I've been using for my confectionery supplier.

Previously, I used to get a phone call at a set time each week to go through my order. This worked fairly well but meant that I needed to be ready at that time and I had to have the order codes for everything I wanted written out. It was fairly easy to get these codes wrong and order something random and occasionally, due to the stupid way the catalogue was laid out, it was difficult to find what I wanted.

When I was offered the chance to use the new online ordering system I thought I'd give it a go. It sounded like a good idea. Place the order when I wanted, search the catalogue online, brilliant.

I placed my first order and then got back a confirmation email a couple of hours later. Hmm, thinks I, I'm sure I order individual cans of Coke, I wonder why they've been substituted for multipacks. That's no good.

I then had to ring an 0845 number to get this corrected. While I was talking to them I asked if it would be possible not to have any substitutions on my account, if something's not in stock, I don't want something different instead. "No problem." I was told.

The next week and it was time to order again. I reordered the same things that had randomly been replaced confident in the knowledge that if they're not in stock, I won't be swapped.

Imagine my utter shock when I received another confirmation where several things had been swapped.

Another pointless phone call later and I've it sorted. Not only had my stuff been swapped but the original items are in stock anyway.

Today was my final attempt with the system. If it didn't work them sod it, I'm going back to the old fashioned but actually better method of talking to a human on the phone.

As you have probably already guessed, this didn't go well. For some fantastic reason known only to the company in question, the special offers that they do don't actually appear on the web site.

YAY!!!

I wonder why the online ordering system was sold to me as being more convenient and quicker when it's actually neither.

Twats.

I've Run Out of Time and Steam

I was going to do another post this afternoon but inconsiderate bloody customers kept coming in and disturbing my train of thought.

Wankers

Sorry (actually, I'm not sorry but what are you gonna do about it) to tease you with the prospect of yet another witty and highly entertaining post and then not bother but, meh?!?

No doubt there will be another highly amusing and vitriolic post appearing soon.

Talk About Global Warming.

As we got through a winter that's a little bit worse than previous winters, everyone starts moaning. Whether it's because this is the worst winter ever or because when they were young it took 20 foot snowdrifts before people even started to think about putting a jumper on or the one bit of snow and this country grinds to a halt (usually said by old people who waddle to the post office and then to the shops once a week and have not actually experienced driving for the last 20 years).

However, the one moan that has amused me the most was by our old "friend" the forgetful priest.

During a recent conversation (fortunately not with me) he managed to say "talk about global warming" three times. This was in addition to his usual query regarding holidays, where my colleague was born and which church she goes to.

Needless to say, once he he said it for the third time, both Hamish and I sniggered to ourselves.

However, as amusing as we found this exchange there was more to come.

As he was exiting the shop someone else was trying to come in.

"talk about global warming"

However, that's not what we really thought was funny.

At the exact moment he said warming, his trousers fell down.

Worrying The Oldies

Just to prove, once again, that old people are stupid and can't be bothered to read, the card account has recently had a minor change to it.

The change made to the account is that people can now use Bank Of Ireland ATMs to withdraw their pensions and benefits and whatnot. A nice letter was sent to all account holder explaining this.

In the grand tradition of coffin dodgers not bothering to read things properly and then getting into a panic, lots of old people didn't bother reading the letter properly and got into a panic.

In the last couple of weeks I've had to put up with no end of stupid, smelly old people moaning that they won't be able to take their money over the counter and they'll have to find a cash point to use instead.

HELLO!!!!

Read the fucking letter properly you half-dead shit-wits and stop bothering me.

Strangest Lost Property Ever.

I know some of the proles around here are a bit inbred and wierd and all but can someone please explain the lost property I recovered from one customer today.

Two gloves.

Both different.

Both right handed.

I'm Sorry, We're Closed. Now Fuck Off!

Some customers just can't take a hint. One such idiot visited my Post Office last Saturday.

Regrettably (or not) he turned up at twenty-five to one, five minutes after we has closed. I'd had a busy morning and so I needed to do a few end of day jobs that usually get done in the last half hour but because of all the inconsiderate bastards coming in at the last minute I needed to stay at work a bit later to finish 'em all off.

Now, the hints were there. The door was locked, the sign read closed, the lights were switched off, the shop was empty (apart from me obviously) and once he'd knocked on the door I shook my head at him and mouthed "We're closed."

Clearly this wasn't enough for this particular shit-wit.

He proceeded to stand there like a twat for the next eight minutes (I timed it).

There was no way I was going to go to the door and tell him that I wasn't going to open up as I guessed he wouldn't be too happy at that and, season of goodwill and all, I didn't want to have to be rude to him in order to spell it out that we were closed.

While he was standing out there, one of the posties rode past and said that the post office was closed. The idiot's reply was "You don't have to tell me that." Oh really? Well, why was he still standing there?

Eight minutes later, the penny finally dropped and he buggered off. He obviously had been riled by the pointless wait as he got back in his car and tyre squealed off.

A further ten minutes passed and he returned. If I was unlikely to open the door previously, then there was nooooooo chance that I'd open it later. However, picking up his parcel wasn't his motive for returning.

He got out of his car, came over to the door and stuck a piece of paper to it. On closer inspection (when he'd gone again obviously) it turned out that it said "And a happy Christmas to you too".

There are several things wrong with his behaviour. Firstly it transpired that even if I had opened the door for him, his parcel hadn't been returned by that time anyway.

It also turned out that he'd hassled another postman earlier to try to get his parcel and moaned that he'd spent extra money to get it delivered on a Saturday and he desperately needed it. Well, if it was that important, why the fuck didn't he wait in for it?

Why did he feel the need to wait outside for so long? He should have take the hints and fucked off as soon as he realised that we were closed.

Finally, exactly what did he think he was going to achieve with that childish little note on the door? Did he think that he's going to get better service next time he's in? I bloody well hope not as he's in for another disappointment. As I know who he is and where he lives, I'm going to go out of my way to make sure that he gets shittier service next time he's in.

So, the moral of this tale is that if you act like a cunt to shop/post office people, we will remember you and we will have our revenge. It may be subtle but it will happen. It's amazing just how bad a service I can provide while still staying well within the rules.

Back Again (Briefly).

Just a quick note to report yet another piece of Post Office Ltd utter fuckwittedness.

Now, as you may be aware it's coming up to Christmas. Traditionally a time when people send a lot of cards to each other. Most people tend to use second class post as they usually are sending out quite a few cards and they're looking to save a bit of money. Selfish bastards, they should send everything first class or ideally special delivery in order to make me a few quid.

Anyway, our stocks of Christmas second class stamps were looking a bit depleted so we put in an order for some normal second class stamps, some books of second class stamps and some books of 100 second class stamps.

Then we waited the whole week that Post Office Ltd seems to think is an appropriate time to deliver an order. Bear in mind that the order is placed on our computers so they should have it as soon as we've finished placing the order. Also, the stock comes with out weekly cash delivery so it's not like it needs to take two or three days in the post either.

Oh dear. Something seemed to be missing when the order arrived. Can you guess what it is?

Yup, not a single second class stamp. No normal ones or even any books.

As I write this, we're now pretty much sold out of all of our second class stamps. It's not as if we've fucked up. We placed the order in good time and it wasn't even for an excessive amount. Post Office ltd have once again demonstrated that they really can't be trusted to run this business anywhere except into the ground.

And just a quick update about the last posting date leaflets. They arrived on the 3rd November. After all of the useful surface mail dates had passed by a country mile.

In case I don't do any more posts in the next few weeks, Have a shitty Christmas. I will.