Regulars- Miserable Old Bastard

Possibly not the most imaginative nickname it's all you need to know about him. He's old, he's a bastard and by God is he miserable. So far in the few years I've been here, I've not yet seen him looking anything other than as he's just heard that his entire extended family is dying slowly and horribly of The Aids and some one's just raped and murdered his beloved family pet.

He's not the most talkative fella either. It's probably just as well cos I suspect that if he did engage me in conversation, it'd be a monologue of whining and moaning about the usual old people topics. 99% of the time all he'll say to me is "All of it please" referring to how much of his pension he'd like. This is accompanied by him thrusting a piece of paper in my direction with the amount written on it. I can't be bothered to tell him that I don't need this information cos all I do is press the "all of it" button on my screen. Sadly his usual pension is nearly 300 notes which he wants entirely in fivers. When I first started here, he's get pretty arsey on the few occasions that we were low on fives and I had the bare-faced cheek to try to give him anything else. Through patience and bloody-mindedness on my part however, I've weened him down to about 40% fives and the rest tens. I'm looking forward to his next visit though. We're really short of fives so he's only getting the one.

OMB is one of the die hard queue-ers we have. Not surprisingly this group is made up exclusively of coffin dodgers. Every Monday morning, there they are, patiently waiting for 1 second past nine o'clock so they can look at their watches and tut if we're not open by then. These queue-ers have obviously got so ingrained in their habit that they haven't realised that they don't need to queue at all. Due to attrition and the fact that the elderly have a nasty habit of snuffing it occasionally, the group of people who will wait outside my Post Office for up to a whole hour is down to a rather pathetic three. I don't think that they've considered that it's a bit of a waste of time to spend an hour queuing when most Mondays, the maximum they'd have to wait is about five minuted if they turned up at 9 o'clock instead. Don't these people have anything better to do? They're old and going to die soon, surely they'd be better off filling what's left of their existence with rich and fulfilling experiences rather than hanging around catching fatal flu bugs. Idiots.