Regulars - Robert

Every Post Office has their regulars. I'd imagine that every Post Office has their own "Robert" too. Like so many of my customers, he's an old fella and he's a bit pongy (the two go together more often than you'd think). We all do our level best to avoid serving him as we don't really want to hear (in unnecessary detail) about the dull events going on in his life (medical complaints, family troubles, steam rallies he's just been to, more medical complaints etc.) for the next ten minutes.
He's friendly and polite enough but the smell combined with the boredom is something that it's funny to watch a colleague deal with but as annoying as hell to put up with yourself. Being as I'm the boss, I can excuse myself whenever I spot him and hide until it's safe to emerge. Unfortunately sometimes I get lumbered with him however. This does provide plenty of amusement for the staff. Especially the mental block he has with my name. When we first came here, he managed to get it right. Over the years however, it's kind of slipped a bit. Nowadays it's a rare occurrence for him to get my name right (despite the name badge I wear). The biggest laugh comes when he starts using the wrong name, slips in a few correct ones and then veers back off into the land of wrongness. Extra bonus points for each alternation between names.
Not only is he dull and a bit too friendly to myself and the staff, he's like that to total strangers. When it's been busy in here I've seen him work through the whole queue trying to have a chat. As the customers don't have to be polite to him they can tell him to bugger off. I wish we could.
For some reason he feels the need to buy at least one of our £5 watches every week. I know they're not going to last a lifetime at that price but they can't be breaking that often. My mind boggles with what he does with the things.
Harmless but really annoying.