What Do Double Yellow Lines Mean?

They don't mean that it's ok to park there provided that you leave your hazard warning lights on.

They don't mean that it's ok to park there if you're "just popping in to the post office for a moment."

They don't even mean you can park there if you're picking up a large parcel that you can't other wise carry the 50 whole yards to the free and usually half empty car park.

They especially don't mean that you can park on them, get in every one's way and then pull off without looking and knock some young lad off his bike, don't bother getting out of the car and get your husband (who had walked here) to shout at the old woman who was helping up the lad who you knocked over and don't seem to give a shit about.

Now, bearing in mind that double yellow lines mean "NO PARKING" and everyone who has a driving licence knows this full well, why when someone has just done one of the things listed above and then gets a ticket do they feel the need to moan at me about it?

My favourite line they spout when they've been caught is "why aren't these people" (the PCSO's who issue the tickets) "out catching real criminals instead?"

Well, several reasons.

First of all is the fact that parking tickets are good money spinners for the local council/police authority/whoever collects the fines.

Secondly, PCSO's aren't proper coppers so the most serious crime they can realistically do something about it parking offences.

Finally, correct me if I'm wrong here but parking on double yellow lines is kind of against the law. Therefore that makes you a criminal and given that you don't appear to be imaginary, I reckon that makes you a "real criminal." Precisely the type of person that you're imploring that the pretend rozzers to catch.

I would also like to point out, for the record, that I couldn't give a fuck. You were clearly parked illegally and you got caught. Now would be the time to do the honourable thing and hold your hands up and admit that you done wrong. Moaning to me isn't going to achieve anything apart from getting you even shittier service from me next time you're in. As much as I might nod along and grunt in a non-committal way, I don't agree. You've clearly been a lazy tosser who couldn't be bothered to walk an additional 50 yards and you got caught. Good.

Frankly, I'd like to have the power to issue parking tickets. If someone parked illegally outside and came in to pick up a parcel, it's be nice to take their collection card, go out the back door, run round to the front, write the ticket, come back in with the parcel and then hand it to the customer and tell them that they seem to have gained a parking ticket in the meantime. That'd be fucking excellent.

And a special mention to that bitch who knocked that kid of his bike.

You fucking bitch.

I had great pleasure in getting the images of you off the CCTV camera and passing that on to the filth. They didn't even need to ask. I was showing my community spirit. And you know what? Sometimes virtue really is it's own reward.