You know when you've moved next to a fantastic neighbour when the first time you meet him, he's shouting and swearing at you because a Royal Mail van is parked in our shared driveway. Especially as Royal Mail vans have been parking in said driveway for years and years and he knew that full well when he moved here.
You could understand his annoyance if he was being blocked in/out for excessive periods of time or if he needed to get out, the posties refused to move the vans.
What I can't really understand is why the stupid twunt feels the need to come out every time someone is parked in the drive regardless of whether he's going anywhere or not.
Since I've been here we've even reduced the amount of times vans park in the drive. It's only once per day while unloading first thing in the morning. So he's actually had about a 90% reduction in the amount of Royal Mail vehicles that may potentially block him in.
Another thing I can't understand is the way he acts whenever he feels he's blocked in. Instead of asking politely for the offending driver to move, his first persuasive weapon of choice is shouting and swearing and generality acting like a fucking cunt.
I've always tried to diffuse the situations and have so far only had one stand-up shouty row with him as he keeps threatening to take legal action and ban all access for anyone but him on the shared bit of driveway. How he stands legally, I'm not really sure because, as I said, it's shared driveway and part of it is owned by me (I checked the deeds very carefully). Whether we'd win or not in a legal dispute is hardly the point, I just don't want the hassle.
What I also don't want, ideally, is some shouty stroppy wanker living next door to me but there's nowt I can do about it.
The other day, I bore witness to his greatest episode of throwing his toys out of the pram.
We have a customer who pays in a fair amount of cash and brings in a few large parcels every week. Due to the double yellow lines and the fact that he's carrying a few grand too, he parks in my half of the driveway. He can't park all the way in my section as he still needs to open the boot of the car (due to the tight space, you need to reverse in). Sadly his arrival coincided with the wanker next door needing to go out.
In his usual reasonable and pleasant way the first thing that stroppy McNeighbour-twat said was "fuck off off my land."
Diplomatic as ever.
Two things to point out here. The customer wasn't actually parked on the neighbours land at all and he wasn't actually blocking him in either. As the customer is a pleasant and considerate chap, he's parked so that neighbour could get out without any problems.
This wasn't good enough for Neighbour McChildish so he stormed into the sorting office and started swearing and shouting at the posties, despite it being nothing to do with him. One of them came to fetch me so I had to go and calm everything down.
A few more minutes of Neighbour O'Tossbag shouting at Customer McReasonable ensued and was ended finally when Neighbour McCuntyfuckhead got in his car and drove off. At no point did the customer move his car as he didn't need to as it was parked on my part of the driveway and, as ably demonstrated by Neighbour O'Bastardpants, wasn't actually blocking him in.
The neighbours big gripe about people blocking him in is that he needs to get in out and out of the driveway and doesn't want to be delayed. Surely in this case he delayed himself by all the unnecessary shouting.
What a fucking cock.
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