Unhelpline

I've just had to phone our helpline for guidance on an issue that I have had no experience with. Frankly, it's a bit of a doozy but I won't relate it here as it's probably frightfully dull for non post office staff.

Suffice to say, the "help" offered by this line is less than useful.

I was told to do one thing the first time I rang up which I duly did.

A few days later, I had a phone call from another department asking for a reference number pertaining to this transaction. This came as news to me as I hadn't been given any reference number. I was told to phone the helpline again and get said reference number.

One thing to mention about the helpline here, if our queries aren't on a very strictly defined list of queries, then we've got to leave a message on the answerphone and they'll get back to us, usually the next day. In most cases this is just bloody annoying and a waste of my time. On other occasions, it's a real pain in the arse as it means that any disputes (like, for example, this one) drag on over days or weeks instead of being sorted out in half an hour and a few phone calls. Needless to say, all of this is apparently "for our convenience".

Anyhoo, the helpline monkey rings back and I ask him for a reference number. I explain the situation in great detail for the third time and what he said back to me can be summed up as "Computer says no." It just happened to be my poor luck that the twat I spoke to was the worst kind of lazy, disinterested kind of call centre monkey. When I explained the situation to him again and told him of the consequences should this not be sorted out (incidentally, that wasn't a threat. It would create loads of annoyance for the customer involved and a big headache for me and possibly poor publicity for the post office). "Computer says no." It was clear that this twunt wasn't going to lift a fat finger to do anything other than read what it said on his screen. He wasn't going to ask anyone else, he wasn't going to press any other buttons, in short, he was going to repeatedly read what he read the first time and nothing more.

So, despite having explained the situation very carefully to three difference people, I'm no further towards a resolution. I've left one further message on the answerphone and should it not be sorted this time, I'm washing my hands of it.

Useless fucks.