How To Make Old People Panic

It's simple really, just send them a letter about their card accounts that mentions closure of the account. It doesn't matter if, purely hypothetically you understand, the letter says that if they don't use the account for a whole year, they'll be sent a letter and if they don't respond, the account will be closed but the money will still be available if they want it.

If such a letter were to be sent out to the coffin dodgers, I'd put cash money on them reading the letter and concluding that their account is due to be closed TOMORROW even though they use it regularly every week and someone will come round and sodomise all of their pets. Then they'll run up here brandishing the letter and ask me whether their account is going to close like the letter says it will.

Y'know, it's a bloody good job that such a letter hasn't been sent out 'cos I really can't be arsed to deal with loads of worried, stupid, smelly old people who can't be bothered or are far too dim to work out a simple message on a letter.

What's that you say? They have sent exactly a letter like that out to card account holders?

Fucknuts!!!

PS. I'm also well aware of what the weather is like. Firstly, I can see and feel the effects of it, secondly every other fucker in here has said something about the weather too. The next person who says "Hot enough for you?" is going to get punched in the face, OK?

PPS. not 10 minutes after I posted this, Robert came in and the first thing he said was "Hot enough for you?" Irritating, smelly bastard.