World's Most Annoying Customer

There's always one regular customer in every Post Office who will be guaranteed to make all of the staff sigh heavily and try to change their serving speed so as to avoid serving them whenever they come in. Actually, there are generally loads of people who fit into that description but there's one who's head and shoulders above the rest.

Her name is Daisy.

Daisy, as the name suggests, is about as intelligent as your average moo cow and also significantly less fragrant to boot.

Her odour can make your eyes water from across the shop on a bad day.

There aren't any good days.

Apparently she is totally unable to wash either herself or her clothes. Or her kids of which she has three all of whom are by different fathers. I say this not necessarily to condemn her but to point out how gobsmacked I am that she managed to find one desperate sucker with no standards or sense of smell to knock her up let alone three.

As is the way with annoying and smelly customers you can be sure that whenever she comes in, you'll be stuck with her for an age as she has a lot of transactions to do.

First of all comes the benefits. She has a card account into which she gets an exorbitant amount of cash. Nearly £300 per week. That's more than my full time staff get paid. On top of that, her rent is paid and she's constantly getting ferried around in a taxi at our expense despite her current fella having a car. What does she think she is? An MP? (A bit of satire for you). I have a feeling that she gets more benefits as she's probably classified as retarded and is therefore "entitled" to extra cash.

Unlike most card account users who either ask for everything in the account or some specified amount, she'll ask for a balance first so she can check how much she's got available. She can't just ask for a balance though. Oh no. That would be too easy. Due to her thick accent and thick head she asks for a balance in her own language. I still haven't, after three years of serving her, managed to work out what she's actually trying to say but I do know what she's asking for.

Once she's got her balance, she'll ask me to read it for her. The following conversation will then go something like this (for ease of reading, I've translated everything she says into English):

Me: "You've got £295.55 in your account."

Her: "If I put £100 in my savings account, how much will that leave me?"

Me: "£195.55."

Her: "I'll do that then. And then I'll withdraw the rest of the balance."

Every bloody week. She's so dim that she can't work out even the easiest of sums.

She'll then pay her various bills and get a top-up for her mobile. Every Monday she'll put a tenner on it. Followed by an additional fiver every day for the rest of the week. I should be grateful that she spends so much as it's a good little earner for me but I'm not sure it's worth it really.

And do you want to know the thing that bugs me the most about her?

The fact that when she checks her balance, she'll often ask "Have I been paid today?" For fucks sake. Being paid implies that you're actually doing something in exchange for the money rather than just being some cash hoover who's of no use to society whatsoever except to make even total bloody fuckwits feel superior to at least someone else. Bloody parasite.