Old people survey

I read yesterday that a survey done by (I think) Age Concern reckons that most old people think that things are worse now than before and are going to get even worse.

HELLO!!!!!

Well done Age Concern (or help the aged or whoever).

Congratulations on pointing out the totally fucking obvious.

Old people spend 99% of their time doing three things:

1. Smelling

2. Moaning

3. Dying

Obviously they do a little bit more than that (eating humbugs, getting in the way, that sort of thing) but they just can't resist any opportunity for a good whinge about some trivial matter that no-one else gives a shit about. Occasionally, they'll even combine all three activities by moaning about how ill they are, being too lazy/ill to wash and therefore smelling and then snuffing it (and then possibly smelling even more, although in some cases possibly not).

I dunno what it is about the crumblies but there's nothing that makes them happier than when they're whingeing about anything and everything regardless of whether the moan is actually justified. Everything was always better years ago (even things that blatantly weren't) and things these days just aren't good enough. Who cares that medical science is keeping them alive and (relatively) healthy for far longer? Or that (despite perceptions) life is actually pretty bloody easy now and they have far more luxuries than ever in the past.

A perfect demonstration of this was Monday.

It's pension day but not just any pension day. It's the day that pensions go up. It's also the day that the price of stamps goes up too.

Can you guess what was the more important fact to all the coffin dodgers?

Was it that they're now getting more free money for doing nothing except not shuffling off this mortal coil? Money, which almost certainly won't be available to my generation when I retire as there won't be any left because it's all given to the banks, old people and the NHS to pay to keep old people alive. I mean, seriously, have you seen the carrier bag full of pills 'n' potions that the average old person gets through every week? Does that really represent a useful investment? And why has so much been given to banks? To safeguard the savings and private pensions of old people. They really are greedy fucking leeches. And ungrateful leeches at that. But I digress.

Nope.

Was it that a first class stamp has now gone up by the Ma-hoo-sive sum of three pence?

Of course it was.

In fact one old bugger moaned about the stamps and then moaned that his pension had actually gone down (obviously it hadn't, he was far too addled to realise that it had increased).

If it weren't for the fact that a large amount of my income comes from these smelly, whiny twats, I'd have started poisoning the Murray Mints years ago. There's no way that anyone under the age of 70 would fall victim to that plan.